the students at the university of failology are having a field day

FAIL.

I'm playing Super Mario Bros., and I keep failing. Well, not really. I have 99 lives and I'm on world 4. I'm still failing, though. I keep getting eaten by the Goombas (evil, armless mushrooms with unibrows) five seconds into a course. So, I'm losing lives and gaining them, one after the other.

I suck.

Also, I keep pressing the 1 button instead of the 2 button. That's why I'm running full speed into the mushrooms instead of jumping over them.

Plus, I'm distracted by the Koopas dancing. I'm ready to jump over them, and then they start dancing, so I land in front of them. And then they eat me and I die.

And that's why the students use me for their research on failing. If they use me, it guarantees they'll get A's on their essays.